Single Mums

Technorati Tags: raising kids alone, single parent, single parenting, solo mom with kids

I never knew just how boring my life probably is until I attempted this challenge. Day in day out it seems that nothing of any interest happens to me.

Yes being a mum of three teenage kids and working means I’m kept incredibly busy, but that’s pretty much my life in a nutshell. I go take kids to school, go to work, pick kids up from school, take kids to whatever after school activity is on depending on what day of the week it is, come home, feed kids, go to bed and start all over again the next day. The only slight variation to this is the weekends when every second saturday I don’t work and don’t take the kids to school and Sundays when there’s no work or school. But I still run kids to their chosen sporting activity etc.

That’s it though.

I haven’t been out with my mates in I don’t know how long - the kids have a much more active social life than what I do. I very rarely go shopping to get something just for myself - in fact the last time I bought myself something new was when I was getting new school shoes for the kids and noticed I could get some cheap pants for work.

I haven’t even had a night on my own for months - I don’t even care if I just stay home - without the kids means I can watch what I want on tv and not have to have the volume up full bore just to hear over them. I can eat what I want when I feel like it, rather than eating cause the kids are telling me they’re starving and can’t wait any longer for tea (that of course is after they’ve eaten everything in site when they get home from school etc)

Don’t get me wrong - in some cases I treat the kids sporting activities as my social events - I have some good friends among the other parents so those nights that I’m sitting there while they’re training could be classed as a time out for me - and I do enjoy it - but it would be nice to catch up with my mates.

I was only thinking about that on the way home from work today - of all my friends that I grew up with most of whom I’ve known for 30 odd years now - there are only a few that are married and have kids., Many of them are still single and ya know - listening to what they get up to - the partying every weekend etc I really don’t think I could do it - One I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have my kids and two, I couldn’t handle going out and drinking etc the way they do - it’d take me all week to recover About the only thing they have that I don’t is the ability to take off at the drop of a hate without having to plan holidays etc around children.

Yes I moan and groan about being a single mum, and yes my life is as boring as hell sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade it - instead I might try to find a way to break out of this routine

I need a time out. I haven’t had a day without kids for I don’t know how long and I’m getting to that point where I just need a break. Yes I’ve had a night here or there where one or two of them have stayed overnight with their grandparents, but never all three at the same time, and even when they stay overnight I still have to run them to where ever they need to go before or after.

The thing it though, that at times it’s not just me, the three of them can only spend so much time in the same house before it becomes world war three. They can’t even talk to each other without sniping. While I’m at the point where all I really want to do is ignore it and them, I just can’t. Unfortunately they’re now too big to send for a time out (not that it ever really worked when they were little anyway) and all they do is yell at each other more. Or ask why I’m not doing anything to stop it.

All I really want is a day without the yelling, screaming and throwing of things. It’s not too much to ask is it?

I try to talk to them, I try bribing and I try laying on a guilt trip, all of which work for brief periods of time - at least until one of them looks the wrong way, touches the wrong thing etc.

I’ve got an early start for work tomorrow, so I’m thinking I may just go to bed now and let them sort themselves out. As long as the police or ambulance aren’t called I’ll be happy.

Technorati Tags: disicpline, single parent, time out

So it’s late Saturday afternoon, I’ve been at work most of the day (after another early start - and a late night last night after basketball) so I’m pretty damn tired. It’s been one of those days.

While I was at work I got a call from my son who tells me that he accidentally turned the power off to my freezer last night before we all went out - I of course didn’t notice it last night or early this morning before I left so everything defrosted - which totally sucked - not only was there water everywhere, but there’s was a few dollars worth of frozen stuff in there that now is no good at all.

Now I’m trying to organise my kids - I have two at home and one at her nanas. One wants to go down there as well - so they’ll both stay the night which means only having my son at home tonight - all that’s fine, but I need to also try and organise it so I’m covered for tomorrow. I have to get my son to his job early in the morning - then one of my daughters to her basketball training - and figure out what to do with the third child. The biggest pain of it all is the timing - my son’s job and my daughters basketball are within 5 minutes of each other but the timing means three trips there and back (a reasonable distance) one to get my son to work, come back - wait an hour or so and take my daughter to basketball, come home and then go back again late tomorrow afternoon to pick my son up. And I really want a sleep in.

Perhaps if I’m really lucky I’ll be able to talk the kid’s dad into taking my boy to his work, which means only two trips there and back for me (after picking my daughter up first from her grandparents) and a bit later start so a semi-sleep in. Here’s hoping luck is on my side and he’ll do it for me. This getting kids to and from is probably my single biggest problem with being a single mum. Expenses aside it’s just a pain trying to figure out who needs to be where at what time and how I plan my routes to get them there.

Technorati Tags: driving, Parenting, single moms, single mum

So as I’ve mentioned off and on throughout this blog I work. While in reality I’m only employed on a casual basis, some weeks I work more than a full time job, while others I get considerably less; thankfully since taking on this job I’ve yet to fall below the threshold that centrelink sets which means if I work less than x amount of hours per week/fortnight I have to get another job. That’s a royal pain in the butt, ’specially when I can’t stockpile those hours eg work 30 this week and still be covered if I only do 10hours next week etc.

I really enjoy this job, I’ve only been working there for about 6 months now, but after nearly 9 years at my old workplace this new job is so completely different and wonderful.

Of course having said that, there is one person who I now work with, who while really nice, has a bit of a passive aggressive thing with me going(it’s funny really cause I’m such a laid back type of person and not much ever really bothers me) We both started at the same time, to do the same job; but in that time I’ve picked up extra work in other areas as well as covering for other things when people are away, along with learning a bit of this and a bit of that so I can help out when/if needed. She hasn’t. For the most part I think a lot of this could be due to the fact that I make sure that if the work that needs to be done is done, or I hang around to finish it and if/when they offer extra hours I say yes - where she has occasionally said no. Anyway as I mentioned she’s not a bad person at all, but she’s prone to add the odd digg at me (when in earshot of one of the managers etc) or to “jokingly” point out that I haven’t done this or couldn’t find that etc. It’s weird in that passive/aggressive way and not something I’ve ever dealt with before so for the time being I continue to ignore it.

I know I won’t stop taking the extra hours when offered - I need all the money I can get, and thankfully the kids are old enough to understand - and they even occasionally help out around the house of course they could help a lot more - particularly those weekends where I start work at 6 on a Saturday and don’t get home till late - there’s nothing worse than coming home to a house that looks like it’s been hit by a bomb. But having said that, my daughter has offered to make tea tonigh so I’ll be sitting down to a nice stir-fry a bit later.

Technorati Tags: stay at home mums, working mums

Well I’ve just got home from my daughter’s basketball training and whaddya know - It’s about to cost me even more money.

Not only do I have to find a way to be able to afford for her to stay with her team when she travels interstate in January (Thankfully I got some good prices on airfares so I can get us both over there - and I can stay with friends so that won’t cost me for a bed) and then have to find more money for her to play interstate again in June, her coach has just asked her to try out for something else, and while she may not make the actual team, the fact that where the trials are is so damn far away means it’s going to cost a fortune just to drive her out there - damn petrol prices. Without even thinking about what it’ll cost on the off chance she did make the team

Of course all this is on top of the weekly costs for her to play - the fuel to get there, the cost to play (and me to spectate) the twice a week travel to training, the registration fees etc etc etc.

Looking back on all I’ve spent just for her to play basketball (not counting other sports she has done, or other sports the other two have competed in) it’s truly a wonder any child makes it to a higher level. Or those that do it’s not suprising that a vast majority of those kids come from relatively well off families. You have to be just to be able to afford it.

With all the carry on about unfit, overweight children etc the government often rambles on about, you’d think they’d put some sort of incentive forward to make it cheaper and more available for children to be able to take up different sports. I’m sure there’s plenty of children out there that don’t do any exercise/play sports simply because their parents can’t afford it, or don’t have access to it etc.

While I would never stop my children from playing sport etc there are times that I wonder if I can truly afford it - actually I don’t really wonder - often I know I can’t afford it, but I keep doing it because the benefits far outweight the cost -at least to me - I’d rather my kids be active/part of a team etc where they can meet new  people, learn the value of teammanship, get some exercise etc etc etc than have them sitting around at home in front of the tv/computer/xbox or out wandering the streets and getting into God only knows what type of trouble. I just wish it didn’t cost so damn much. As a single mum my income is fairly limited and often I find myself robbing peter to pay paul just so I can make sure this child can get to this activity or that child doesn’t let her teammates down by not being there - aside from the fact that I don’t think I could put up with the whining if they didn’t get to play.

Technorati Tags: expenses, kids, money, sport, travel

Well it’s Friday afternoon. I’ve just gotten home from work and picking the kids up from school and now it’s the semi-mad dash to get organised for the Friday evening events. I say semi-mad because unlike last season I now have an extra hour before the basketball game starts. With my daughter going up an age group it now means the games start an hour later.

So tonight I have to get one child to cadets, one to basketball and the other to her acting thing. While in theory it’s easy cause they are all on the way to each other, the hard part is that they all either start or finish at the same time. This is a fairly regular occurance for me - having three kids that need to be in three totally different places all at the same time, and usually I can manage two of them quite easily, it’s getting the third to or from that creates havoc. I sort have it covered tonight - I’ll do the cadets and basketball and my ex mother in law is gonna do the performance for me. It means me dropping my son off at cadets, racing my daughter down the road to basketball (where I’ll stay to watch the game) then hoping like hell it actually finishes on time (which isn’t always the case) so I can race back to pick my son up. My other daughter is gonna stay the night with her nana. For a change basketball and cadets sort of coincide as the bball is a home game - when she plays on the other side of town I have major problems as it means I’m neither going to or coming from the game at close to a reasonable time to pick my son up.

Even though the getting to and from is often a major problem, I wouldn’t stop my kids from being involved in their sport or acting/dancing etc for anything. They love it, they’re dedicated to it and it keeps them out of trouble. My son has had to give up his hockey (my daughter will probably play again next winter) cause he now has to play mens and it conflicts with him being able to work, and while he’s saving up for a car work is always going to come first.

Technorati Tags: kids, sport, travel

When you’re a parent of teens, and ’specially if you’re a single parent of teenagers it truly seems that you spend half your life driving them from one place to the next.

As a single mum it always falls to me to get the kids from point a to b- their dad, may, once in a blue moon, decide he does have time to run them around but it’s sometimes not worth the effort even to ask (that even counts when the kids stay at his place, if they have somewhere to go - sport etc, I have to go to their dads to pick them up and then take them)

Take today for instance.

I left for work just after 5am this morning and finished work with just enough time to spare to pick the kids up from school on my way home (thankfully on those early morning starts I can get someone to take them to school for me) on the way home I dropped my son off at his martial arts (after a detour to my mum’s house so he could get changed) then I brought the girls home with me. In about an hour I’ll have to take off again to go and pick him up, only to come home and quickly feed them all before again turning around and taking my daughter to her basketball training, I’ll stay there for the two odd hours cause it’s just that bit too far away to come home in between. Once she’s finished we’ll get home around 10-10:30 tonight where I’ll probably fall straight into bed (after a 4am rising this morning) only to wake up and have to get them off to school again tomorrow, on my way to work, then on the way home from work I’ll pick them up, go back near to where I just came from so I can take them all  shopping for those annoying things like school shoes - geez I wish they’d stop growing - of course the one good thing about tomorrow being Wednesday though is that it means I don’t have any sport etc to get them too - it’s our one day/night of the week where we actually get to stay home.

This of course brings to mind a really cool, funny and true email I received quite awhile ago about all the mother’s do, and if I ever find it again I’ll share it with you.

Technorati Tags: driving, Parenting, single mum

Well it’s the first day, and therefore the first post for the NaBloPoMo. And as a quick head’s up I’ll let you know now that this post may be a bit of a ramble. My brain really isn’t with it at the moment so I’m pretty much gonna just type and see what comes out.

In fact the reason for my brain being in melt down is a good enough idea to post about so that’s what this will be about.

It’s just gone 5pm Saturday arvo here (South Australia) and I’ve been up since 5 am this morning, while that’s not a totally new thing - to get up that early, I do it a couple of times a fortnight for work, the problem is that I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night. And that’s where the problem starts. With a possum or maybe more than one (which also isn’t a totally new thing, possums that is)

Knowing I had to get up early for work this morning, I went to bed pretty early last night and fell to sleep pretty quickly, only to be woken up an hour or two later by the most God-awful noise. And as many probably know, being woken from a sound sleep to a shrieking sound is not pleasant, it makes your heart feel like it’s going to pound out of your chest. Then of course you have to lay there, still as a statue, holding your breath and trying not to make a sound, as you try and figure out what the hell it was that woke you up. At this point while I was laying there, I could hear what could only be described as heavy breathing so my eyes open a fraction and I try to look in all directions at once (Without moving my head) in case there’s actually someone in the room with me. Being half asleep and scared out of my wits I admit to it taking awhile for me to figure out what it was - a damn possum. Yes I have possums that live in my roof. In fact at certain times I’m fairly sure my house is possum party central.

For those of you who have had any experience with possums you’ll know they make the most horrible of noise. If they’re growling (well I assume it’s growling) they really sound like someone heavy breathing - picture any horror movie and the sound the bad guy/monster makes as he’s sneaking up behind you after you’ve led him on a merry chase - that breathing thing - well I’m pretty sure they got that from possums. Then they screech. That’s probably close to a cat fight screech - only 10 times louder.

So anyway, I’ve finally figured out what the noise is - but then there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it - except try to sleep inbetween all the noise it decided to make. Suffice to say I probably only got a few real hours of sleep last night.

As I said - if this is making any sense at all - I’ve dealt with the possums before and I can handle the odd early morning start for work - it’s just when I combine the two that the trouble starts. The thing is, is that I’m not sure how to actually get rid of the possums. They are a protected species. They’re territorial so even if I somehow captured one I’d only have to release it in the same spot (outside my house) which means they’re just gonna go straight back to the roof. They’re driving me and the kids nuts - not to mention the fact that when they do actually get inside the roof and down in the walls they’ve scratched holes in the wall. So if anyone has any tips on how to stop them from partying at my place I’ll gladly listen Or perhaps I could just give up my day job so I can sleep all day and then be up all night  to party with the possums .

Technorati Tags: day job, lack of sleep, posums, working mums

I’ve set this blog up for a couple of reasons. While I initally decided to start a new blog for this year’s NaBloPoMo where I’m hoping I will be able to write a post a day for a month, I chose the topic of single mums (and probably parenting in general) as being a single parent to three teenage children (a boy and twin girls) I figure at least it’s probably something I know a little bit about.

The other reason is that I’m hoping that being able to chronicle my daily life (which while not always that exciting, at least I should have something to talk about ) I will not only get my creative juices flowing to help with other things I do online but I may also be able to help/advise other single parents, offer a bit of humour (no matter how old your kids are - they can still sometimes do or say the strangest of things) or show that being a single mum (or dad) doesn’t mean your life has to stop; while for the most part my life does revolve around my children I still get some time to have at least a bit of a life for myself.

The actual NaBloPoMo doesn’t start for a few more days yet (November 1st) - geez I was going to write something else here, but one of my kids just asked me a question and I totally forgot what it was; okay yes that may be one of the side effects of trying this blog: getting sidetracked.

Five Minutes Later:

While it doesn’t start until Nov 1st (and I guess that’s in America so for me it’s Nov 2 if I wanna follow along with everyone else) I may add a post or two (aside from this one) in between now and then, just to get into the swing of things.

For now though, I must scoot: I have to go and pick my son up from his sport, feed them all tea (dinner) then get one of my girls to her sport.

Technorati Tags: life, single mums